keterclass | IC Inbox

That's right. We're allowed to walk away now, with no consequences. You don't need to be stuck taking orders for the rest of your years.

[Neph isn't leaving. He's been in the Order too long, he doesn't know how to be anything else. It might not be too late to learn, but...he can do more good for his family if he keeps eyes on the inside where all the information is.]

You know that if I'd had my preferences, you would never have been forced to sign up in the first place.

[Anyone else would be grateful for this opportunity, but he feels like the decision was made for him. In a way, this is just another order. And he's a soldier, yes, but...

It still feels like a betrayal.]

... You expect me to just walk right out and leave you behind?

I still chose to sign up rather than being locked away or disposed of, and it was for good reason. The Black Order had resources that we couldn't access on our own. And, also...

You may have brought me back, but you're not a healer. I thought that someone had to keep you alive. And it may as well be me.

[Call it a debt if you like, but Asch thinks they're a bit closer than that.]

Who will look after you if I can't come on missions anymore?

A choice made under those kinds of threats can hardly be called freely made. When I think of the years you've spent...

[He stops, steadies himself. His own helpless frustration at not being able to do better for Asch in the past is not going to help his son move on into a better life right now.]

I promise we'll see each other. We're living in the same city, and you're free to ask Kinich to keep an eye on me if that will make you feel better. [He'd probably be doing that regardless.] But you have the opportunity now to learn another path.

If you take this time away and decide that you want to come back, after experiencing what life outside the Order is like, then I won't have any complaints or objections. But you should... you deserve to have that experience, before you tie yourself forever to the only path you were allowed to know.

I'm no different from anyone else! You began to remember things, and you manifested powers like I did. That was just the way the Order functioned back then. [Sorry, he was brought up to question everything. And if that means butting heads with Nephrite, then he will.]

... I won't sacrifice one family for another.

[If he sounds a little like Luke panicking, maybe he is his brother's twin after all.]

I don't get it. It can't be too late for you. You're still alive. You can still make different choices, too, can't you?

Why does it have to be me?

[... Ah.

All this time, he's been fine doing things alone, but this time is different. He'll truly be walking on his own. Maybe not alone, as he'll have Belle and Zelos, and they're fine family. But to leave Nephrite's wellbeing in the hands of someone else is a tall ask that he's wrestling with right now, even if that person is ol' reliable Kinich.]

Damn it.

[HE'S NOT SNIFFLING YOU'RE IMAGINING IT]

Asch...

[Why are they doing this over the phone? Why would anyone think this would be easier at a distance, where he can hear the emotion but not reach out to soothe it?]

You're not sacrificing anything. You might be getting a little push out of the nest, but I have every confidence that you'll figure out your feathers on the way down. And as I said...if you find your way back, I'll have no complaints.

[But the rest of it...]

As for why it has to be you...hah. Do you know, I was certain one day, no matter whether I pushed or not, eventually there would come a time when you were given orders you couldn't bear to obey. The way the old Order was run would make it an inevitability, if you grew up to be anything like the young man I remembered from another life. To be honest, I was afraid you'd make that choice and not give me the chance to save you from it.

[He sounds faintly amused, as if he's not talking about running for both their lives.] I had plans in place. If that had been what happened, it would have been both of us, I would never have sent you on the run all by yourself. Either we would both make it out, or...well. I would do everything under my power, anyway.

But then, before I needed those plans, the rebellion happened, and when the dust settled...suddenly the greatest source of fear in my life was simply no longer relevant. We were free to leave. ...Sometimes I still have to remind myself.

It's not just that I don't belong out there. It's that I can let you be free, on your own, and know that you will be free. There's nothing out there that I need to protect you from more than I would have needed to protect you from the things still in here.

[He takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly.]

And the things still kept under lock and key and in files behind closed doors... I can protect you from them better if I can keep an eye on them. It's no worse for me in the Order than it would be outside it. Despite all the years I spent believing myself some unfeeling creature that deserved to be locked up with them...now, in the end, I can choose to stay because I have something to care for.

[This is the first time Asch is hearing of these plans. To think that Nephrite had been planning to protect him the whole time... and he had no idea. Asch was certain, too, if he had to choose between his family and the Order, that he'd choose the option that would probably kill him. But thankfully it never came to that.

For once, he's quiet on the other end of the line. It's a while before he speaks again. Only when he's sure Nephrite has nothing to add, and Asch is sure that his own voice won't quiver the way he feels like it might.]

It's a good plan. Practical. You've clearly thought about this for some time. In your shoes, I would probably do the same.

[An observation, not an accusation.]

... Still, I have a selfish request. I know it probably won't make sense, but hear me out first.

The next few months are going to be very busy for me. I won't be able to keep an eye on Belle and Zelos like I usually do. I have a routine: in the morning, I usually help make breakfast. It's been... easier to go over to their house and check on them since I was given the keys to a house down the street.

Since I'll be working in Meropide doing who-knows-what for most of the day, and I have several extra rooms, I'd like you to move closer. If you don't want to move in with me that's fine. But, at the very least, I would feel better if your apartment was in the vicinity. That way if something like the board game curse happens again and we're separated, I know you will be close enough to help one another.

... That's all.

[He sounds so adult. Putting together these logical pieces, laying out his case. And yet still not mature enough to stop hiding behind practicality and admit that this is about his feelings.

He's really growing up fast. It's thrilling and a little heartbreaking. Maybe this will be good for them both.]

It's not a bad idea, but really, can you imagine apartment-hunting at this time of year? Even if I were to find another apartment somewhere closer, I'm sure I'd need to stay in one of your extra rooms for a few months while I was between leases.

[Okay, maybe the hiding behind practicality is more about Asch's upbringing than his maturity.]

I imagine with our busy schedules, we'd be able to avoid getting on one another's nerves too much.

[And he really would like to see Asch more. He never expected to suffer from anything as cliche as "empty nest" but after raising a child, living alone is too quiet for him, leaves him too much to his own thoughts. It was good for Asch to have his own place while they were still in the Order together, to give them time apart; but they'll have plenty of that now. Moving back in would ease the transition a lot.]

[He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.]

That's fine. [He just brushes past all of that like it doesn't bother him, because it doesn't. He just can't stand the thought of Nephrite living in some hovel while Asch has a whole empty house. And it definitely doesn't have something to do with the fact that, until recently, he never really lived alone. There was always someone else with him on assignment, and the rooms at HQ weren't exactly private, more like dorms. And then, in his past life, it was pretty much the same... busy noble house, and then barracks...

For a distant introverted guy, he doesn't go out of his way to avoid people.]

I'm used to your particular quirks, anyway. [Time for Nephrite to come up with some new ones.]

Oh, and I bought a coffee maker when I moved in. It has some kind of espresso function. Maybe you can figure it out.

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